Social Math

This was sent to me via email from Xuan Nguyen on December 4, 2001.

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
        Smart man + smart woman = romance
        Smart man + dumb woman = affair
        Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
        Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
        Smart boss + smart employee = profit
        Smart boss + dumb employee = production
        Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
        Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
        A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
        A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
        A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
        A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
        A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
        A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men.
But married men are a lot more willing to die.

MEMORY
Any married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no reason to have two people remembering the same thing.

APPEARANCE
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

COMPREHENSION
There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman --
before marriage and after marriage.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs
and cackling, telling me, "You're next."  They stopped after I
started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Last Updated: 120401